it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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