You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
