This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
