thus making me awesome and them whores
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
