Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
