Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
