Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
