it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
