im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
