remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
