Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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