If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
