Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
