I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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