Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
