why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
