i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
