I need help removing her.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
