Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
