There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
