I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
