the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm always down for nudity.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
