How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
