This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
