I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
