he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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