part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
