I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
