I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
