she woke up with a sticky ear
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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