your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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