i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
