ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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