Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
