I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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