dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
