What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
