the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
