Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Houston, we have a blender
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
