It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
