Dude my mom stole all your condoms
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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