Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
