I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
