im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
