if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
