The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
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the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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