no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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