Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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