I think I am morally bankrupt
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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