I heard we made out
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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