DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
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