Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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