Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
