You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
