for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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