If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
