toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
