The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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