If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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