Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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