would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
