My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Randomize
