Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
