sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
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Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
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She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize