just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
its not stalking. its research.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
