I wanna bring you to show and tell
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
